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Blowjob Jokes

Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

 

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blowjob!

 

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

 

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

 

Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?

A: A tearjerker.

 

Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?

A: She’s the one with the dirty knees.

 

Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob.

A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can’t beat a blowjob.

 

Q: Why did the woman smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

 

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!

 

Q: What’s the best thing about a blow job?

A: The ten minutes of silence!

 

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

Q: What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from your grandmother have in common?

A: You don’t look down

 

Q: What do you call ball’s on your chin?

A: A dick in your mouth!

 

Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?

A: Women don’t get blowjobs while they’re driving.

 

Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?

A: The grip!

 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who broke her nose on a steering wheel?

A: She was trying to blow the horn.

 

Q: What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

A: You just KNOW she’ll swallow!

 

Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?

A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

 

Q: What is the metric equivalent of 69?

A: 1 ate 1.

 

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

 

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

 

Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,

 

Q: What’s better than a rose on your piano?

A: Tulips on your organ.

 

Q: Why doesn’t Tom Cruise eat bananas?

A: He can’t find the zipper!

 

Q: Whats comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

 

Q: What’s the definition of a Yankee?

A: Same thing as a “quickie,”only you do it yourself.

 

Q: What’s sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman?

A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.

 

Q: What is the square root of 69?

A: Ate something!

 

Q: What do you call a Christmas blowjob?

A: Egg noggin.

 

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: Because that’s what they train for all their lives.

 

Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?

A: You have to chew before you swallow!

 

Q: Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

A: You don’t know? soooo…you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

 

Q: How can you tell when you’ve had a really good blowjob?

A: You have to pull the sheets out of your ass.

 

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

 

Q: One man is on a tight rope and the other is getting a blow job in a retirement home what are they thinking?

A: Dont look down

 

Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?

A: If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

 

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for sex?

A: Because at 69 they blow a rod!

 

Q: What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

A: The wheel chair.

 

Q: What’s the definition of trust?

A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

 

Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?

A: The grip! Q: What does 69 equal? A: A couple of mouths full.

 

There’s no business like Show Business.

There’s no job like a blow job.

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