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Drunk Jokes

Q: What is a drunk man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A: A Budweiser in each hand!

 

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?

A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

 

Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

A: “Olive or twist?”

 

Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?

A: “Please, no stories!”

 

  1. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
  2. So the Irish would never rule the world!

 

Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?

A: The Holy Spirit!

 

Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?

A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

 

Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila?

A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

 

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

 

Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?

A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

 

Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light?

A: He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

 

Q: How do you know a man is really really gay?

A: When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer!

 

Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?

A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

 

Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

 

Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast?

A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

 

Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking?

A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

 

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

 

Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?

A: They are both SO close to water!

 

Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common?

A: Their both empty from the neck up!

 

Q: Why are Men like coolers?

A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

 

Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?

A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

 

Q: Why don’t Democrats drink?

A: It interferes with their suffering!

 

Q: Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka?

A: “Pabst Smir!”

 

Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink whiskey?

A: Because it makes him mean!
 

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