50 Best Knock Knock Jokes for everyone to enjoy!

50 Best Knock Knock Jokes for everyone to enjoy!

Enjoy the biggest list of the best 50 knock knock jokes. This clean list of knock-knock jokes is perfect for kids and adults to enjoy!

  1. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Adore.
    Adore who?
    Adore is between us. Open up!
  2. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Al
    Al who?
    Al give you a kiss if you open this door!
  3. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Alfie
    Alfie who?
    Alfie terrible if you leave!
  4. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Alien
    Alien who?
    Just how many aliens do you know?
  5. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Annie.
    Annie who?
    Annie body home?
  6. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Andrew!
    Andrew who?
    Andrew a picture!
  7. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Amma
    Amma who?
    Amma not going to tell you!
  8. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Argo
    Argo who?
    Argo down the shops if you aren’t going to let me in
  9. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Broccoli.
    Broccoli who?
    Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly.
  10. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Barbara
    Barbara who?
    Barbara black sheep, have you any wool..
  11. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Bed
    Bed who?
    Bed you can’t guess who I am!
  12. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Burglar
    Burglar who?
    Burglars don’t knock!
  13. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Butter
    Butter who?
    Butter be quick, I have to go to the bathroom!
  14. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Control freak.
    Co…
    You should say “Control freak who” now.
  15. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Canoe.
    Canoe who?
    Canoe help me with my work?
  16. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cows go.
    Cow’s go who?
    No, silly. Cows go Moo!
  17. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    interrupting cow.
    interrupting c-
    Mooooo!
  18. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Comb
    Comb who?
    Comb on down and I’ll tell you!
  19. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cheese
    Cheese who?
    Cheese a nice girl.
  20. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cows vCows who?
    Cows go moo not who!
  21. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dozen.
    Dozen who?
    Dozen all this knocking bother you already?
  22. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dwayne!
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning!!
  23. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Doris.
    Doris who?
    The Doris locked, why do you think I’m knocking?
  24. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dish.
    Dish who?
    Dish is a nice place!
  25. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    interrupting doctor.
    interr…
    You’ve got cancer.
  26. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Etch.
    Etch who?
    Bless you.
  27. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Egg.
    Egg who?
    Eggcited to see me?
  28. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ears
    Ears who?
    Ears another knock knock jokes for you!
  29. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Fangs
    Fangs who?
    Fangs for letting me in!
  30. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ferdie!
    Ferdie who?
    Ferdie last time open this door!
  31. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Figs.
    Figs who?
    Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!
  32. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Flea
    Flea who?
    Flea blind mice!
  33. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    France
    France who?
    France of the family
  34. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Frank
    Frank who?
    Frank you for being my friend!
  35. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Gorilla!
    Gorilla who?
    Gorilla burger! I’ve got the buns!
  36. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Gandhi
    Gandhi who?
    Gandhi come out and play?
  37. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Gino
    Gino who?
    Gino me or not, now open the door!
  38. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Gladys
    Gladys who?
    Gladys Friday, finally the weekend starts!
  39. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Hatch
    Hatch who?
    God bless you!
  40. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Harry.
    Harry who?
    Harry up, it’s cold out here!
  41. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Heaven
    Heaven who?
    Heaven seen you for a long time.
  42. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Hand
    Hand who?
    Handover your money!
  43. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Harry
    Harry who?
    Harry up and answer this door!
  44. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Hip
    Hip who?
    Hippopotamus.
  45. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Howard
    Howard who?
    Howard you like to be knocking for a change ?
  46. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Iran!
    Iran who?
    Iran over here to tell you this!
  47. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Isabell.
    Isabell who?
    Is a bell working?
  48. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Urine.
    Urine who?
    Urine trouble if you don’t open the door.
  49. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Icy.
    Icy who?
    You see me, do you need glasses or something
  50. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Jam
    Jam who?
    Jam mind, I’m trying to get in!

 

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30 Christmas Jokes – Funny jokes to make you merry!

30 Christmas Jokes - Funny jokes to make you merry!

30 Funny or bad Christmas jokes are a key moment of the festive season. Here are a bunch of the best jokes to keep you merry this Christmas!

  1. What happens to elves when they behave naughtily? Santa gives them the sack.
  2. What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast? Ice Crispies.
  3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no-body to go with.
  4. What says ‘Oh Oh Oh’? Santa walking backward!
  5. What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner? Grave-y.
  6. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrot?
  7. Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph!
  8. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
  9. What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
  10. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
  11. What is a skunks favorite Christmas song? Jingle smells!
  12. What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow.
  13. Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday? At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.
  14. What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle!
  15. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
  16. Where do you find chili beans? At the north pole!
  17. What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle!
  18. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it ‘soots’ him!
  19. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
  20. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing – it was on the house!
  21. Where do snowmen keep money? In a snow bank.
  22. What type of cars do elves drive? Toyotas.
  23. Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman? Because he is so cool!
  24. What do you call a cat on Christmas Eve? Sandy Claws.
  25. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Mary.
    Mary who?
    Merry Christmas
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20 Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes to make you feel Good!

20 Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes to make you feel Good!

Our top 20 collections of funny blonde jokes, We hope you must feel good.

  1. Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.
  2. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”
  3. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.
  4. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
  5. How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
  6. How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.
  7. A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’
  8. Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.
  9. How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
  10. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
  11. How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
  12. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
  13. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
  14. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.
  15. Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
  16. What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.
  17. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
  18. What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  19. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
  20. I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
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Funny Dirty Jokes

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

 

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

 

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

 

Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

 

Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?

A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

 

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A: Because their plugged into a genius!

 

Q: What does a lamb shagger say?

A: Bang a lamb a ding dong

 

Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

 

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?

A: Half a dog!

 

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin

A: Mever bin laid on

 

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

 

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur

A: A lickalotopis

 

Q: When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?

A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice

 

Q:Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

A:Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

 

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?

A: Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass. What’s the difference between the holidays and sex? During sex, you don’t have to pretend to have fun with the whole family.

 

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?

A: Boobies

 

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

 

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

 

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

 

Q: Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?

A: They both suck for four quarters.

 

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

 

Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?

A: The grass tickles their balls

 

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t? A: Her navel.

 

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

 

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?

A: He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been fucking the chickens!

 

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

A: Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.

 

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?

A: When he eats his first Brownie.

 

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.

 

Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ?

A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them

 

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

 

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

 

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

 

Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?

A: FUCKS FUNNY

 

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: Snowballs.

 

Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

 

Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?

A: ……….. a shit (think about it)

 

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

 

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.

 

Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?

A: They both only change their pads after every third period!

 

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

 

Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?

A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..

 

Q: What’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

A: The back of my hand.

 

Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?

A: The PGA tour.

 

Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

 

Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture.

 

Q: How do you kill a retard?

A: Give him a knife and say “Who’s special?”

 

Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?

A: They both don’t work and always take your money.

 

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

 

Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?

A: Trust me.

 

Q: What do you call it when you photograph childbirth?

A: child bornography

 

Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?

A: Pull some strings.

 

Q: Why can’t Jesus eat m&m’s?

A: Because he has holes in his hands.

 

Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?

A: Because they can’t stand up for themselves

 

Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done…

 

Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side?

A: You would be all right.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a potato and corn?

A: Porn

 

Q: What is Superman’s greatest weakness?

A: A bucking horse.

 

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He got the gas bill.

 

Q: What is a crack head’s favorite song?

A: I wanna rock!

 

Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?

A: Wave to them!

 

Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars?

A: Anything you want.

 

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?

A: He didn’t have any arms.

 

Q: What’s sicker than a pile of dead babies?

A: The one alive in the middle chewing it’s way out.

 

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!

 

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Free Dirty Short Jokes

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

 

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

 

Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?

A: He got tired

 

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

 

Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

 

Q: What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?

A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

 

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A: Because their plugged into a genius!

 

Q: What’s the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste.

 

Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

 

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up. If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.

 

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?

A: Boobies

 

Q; What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

 

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

 

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

 

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

 

Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?

A: Trust me.

 

Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done…

 

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He got the gas bill.

 

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!

 

Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

A: About three inches.

 

Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?

A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

 

Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly?

A: So they don’t poke her eye out.

 

Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?

A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.

 

Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives

A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.

 

Q: What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes?

A: I cry when I cut up onions…

 

Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

A: A trip without the kids!

 

Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises?

A: They already fell for that trick once.

 

Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

 

Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,

 

Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t masturbate?

A: A liar.

 

Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?

A: You can drop them off anywhere.

 

Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: “I’ll see you next month.”

 

Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?

A: If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!

Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?

 

A: Twinkie.

Q: What did one tampon say to the other?

A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

 

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

 

Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?

A: Line dancing at a nusing home.

 

Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

 

Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?

A: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.

 

Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
 

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Drunk Jokes

Q: What is a drunk man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A: A Budweiser in each hand!

 

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?

A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

 

Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

A: “Olive or twist?”

 

Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?

A: “Please, no stories!”

 

  1. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
  2. So the Irish would never rule the world!

 

Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?

A: The Holy Spirit!

 

Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?

A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

 

Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila?

A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

 

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

 

Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?

A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

 

Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light?

A: He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

 

Q: How do you know a man is really really gay?

A: When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer!

 

Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?

A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

 

Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

 

Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast?

A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

 

Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking?

A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

 

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

 

Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?

A: They are both SO close to water!

 

Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common?

A: Their both empty from the neck up!

 

Q: Why are Men like coolers?

A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

 

Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?

A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

 

Q: Why don’t Democrats drink?

A: It interferes with their suffering!

 

Q: Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka?

A: “Pabst Smir!”

 

Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink whiskey?

A: Because it makes him mean!
 

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Boyfriend Jokes

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?

A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

 

Q: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces?

A: The good ones are already taken!

 

Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?

A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

 

Q: What does a penis and a boyfriend have in common?

A: All men have one! Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? Boyfriend: Sure, babe. Girlfriend: BAM! You’re single.

 

  1. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?
  2. Who cares?

 

Q: What do you call a man made out of garbage?

A: Your ex-boyfriend!

 

  1. When would you want a man’s company?
  2. When he owns it!

 

  1. How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?
  2. Put the remote control between his toes. Do you know how to tell if your boyfriend is geting fat? He can wear your husbands clothes…

 

Q: What book do women like the most?

A: “Their boyfriends paycheck!”

 

Q: Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?

A: Because if they all went, it would be called hell. My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that looks like him for dinner. Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.

 

Q: How can you tell when your boyfriend is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

Q: Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for boyfriends?

A: It changes their DNA.

 

Q: Why are boyfriends like cars?

A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

 

Q: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom?

A: Two – if you slice them very thinly.

 

Q: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach?

A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini

 

Q: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?

A: They’re always coming early.

 

Q: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?

A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

 

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?

A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.

 

Q: What’s a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening?

A: Sex.

 

Q: What do you call a boyfriend who Masterbates more than twice a day?

A: A Terrorwrist

 

Q: How does a boyfriend show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys an extra case of beer.

 

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?

A: A Boyfriend.

 

Q: What is a major turnoff?

A: When your boyfriend talks about his ex.

 

Q: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis?

A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

 

Q: What’s a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship?

A: Telling you his real name.

 

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Booty Jokes

What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion? A piece of ass that’ll bring a tear to your eye!

I only trust people who like big butts……They cannot lie.

What was the movie “Superbad” originally about? A heart-warming tale about Kim Kardashian’s ass!

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Piccassole

According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphones overheating? Downloading images of Jen Selter’s booty!

If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.

What Do You Take When Your Butt Hurts? Assprin

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

What is the definition of Confidence? When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, “You’re next Baby… !”

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Why did Little Ms Mufffet push Humpty Dumpty off the wall? Because she wanted to see his crack!

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who totally removed a woman’s buttocks? It was a Disass-ter.

What do you get when you combine samarium, argon, tellurium, asenic, and sulfur? SmArTe AsS.

What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

There was a book called Sliding Down the Banister, By Major Arssore (Made-Your-Ars-Sore)

What Mary J Blige song does Nicki Minaj like to cover? Take Me Ass I am.

Did you hear about Nicki Minaj? She won a booty pageant.

What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind as it hits the windshield? His ass.

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your butt say “stop”? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”

Wanna hear a joke that will make you laugh your ass off? Oh wait I see you already heard it.

Jen Selter’s ass is so big, when she were born, the doctor said “Congratulations! Twins!”

Yo mama so ugly she has the booty of a stripper and the face of a trucker.

 

Roses are Red, Foxes are clever, I like your butt, Let Me Touch It Forever

I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my butt is bigger.

 

A boss is like a babies diaper always on your ass and always filled with sh*t

Whoever invented yoga pants deserves a medal.

 

When a man impales you through the ass, it hurts like hell, when a woman impales you through the ass, its emasculation If you didn’t want me to stare at your booty, you shouldn’t have worn yoga pants.

 

I heard the Kardashians are booty-ful.

 

Yo mama’s ass is so hairy they have it on a sign at Yellowstone saying “Don’t feed the bears”

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Boob Jokes

Q: What’s the origin of the phrase “Boob”?

A: The “B” is the aerial view, the “oo” is the entrance view, the “b” is the facet view.

 

Q: What do toys and boobs have in frequent?

A: They had been each initially made for teenagers, however dad finally ends up taking part in with them!

 

Q: What did saggy boob say to the opposite saggy boob?

A: “If we do not get some help right here persons are going to assume had been nuts.”

 

Q: What sort of bees produce milk?

A: Boobies!

 

Q: What do you name a girl who provides a 3rd boob?

A: A chestnut.

 

Q: What did the bra say to the hat?

A: You go on a head whereas I give these two a elevate!

 

Q: Why did God give girls breasts?

A: So males would take to them!

 

Q: What did the ghost say to the hornets?

A: BOO bees.

 

Q: What do you name the house inbetween Pamela Anderson’s breasts?

A: Silicon Valley.

 

Q: What do you name a nanny with a breast implants?

A: A Fake pair.

 

Q: Why are redheads flat chested?

A: It makes it simpler to learn their T- shirts

 

Q: What do you name similar boobs?

A: Identitties.

 

Q: What do you name a redhead with giant breasts?

A: A mutant.

 

Q: How are a blonde’s breasts and a pad alike?

A: Neither are recomended for the seaside and each come in numerous absorbency ranges.

 

Q: What does a 75 12 months previous girl have between her breasts that a 25 12 months previous does not?

A: Her navel.

 

Q: What’s blue and has 100 nipples?

A: The dumpster on the most cancers clinic.

 

Q: What did one boob say to the opposite boob?

A: You are my breast pal.

 

Q: Why was the mermaid sporting sea shells?

A: Her boobs had been too massive for B shells.

 

Q: Why did God give girls boobs and nipples?

A: To make suckers out of males! What do name the moisture on Dolly Parton’s chest? Mountain DEw

 

Q: What do you name that patch of hair between an previous ladys tits?

A: Her snatch.

 

Q: What does Kentucky Fried Rooster and a girl have in frequent?

A: In case you take away the legs and the breast you are left with a smelly greasy field?

 

Q: Why did the Blonde have sq. boobs?

A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the field.

 

Q: Whats massive black, inside a girls, and is normally close to their boobs?

A: Tumors

 

Q: When does a waitress put on a bikini?

A: In a breasteraunt.

 

Q: What do you name a white woman with out boobs?

A: Justin Bieber

 

Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?

A: To separate the furry from the dairy.

 

Q: What’s America’s favourite pastime?

A: Tits, Clits and Base Hits.

 

Q: Why do not nuns put on bras?

A: God helps every little thing.

 

Q: Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?

A: You open it and its half empty

 

Q: What do you name a girl with just one boob?

A: One in a Melon.

 

Q: When is the final time most chubby males have touched a breast?

A: In a KFC bucket A push up bra is sort of a bag of chips You open it and its half empty

 

Q: What occurs whenever you push two large boobs collectively?

A: you create an asteroid. ( . )( . ) = ( . )

 

I used to be as soon as slapped within the face by a woman with twelve nipples. Sounds bizarre, dozen tit?

School Soccer video games are like boobs. Large or small, they’re each nice; Besides once they’re lopsided.

 

Boy: In case you had no legs, would you put on socks?

Lady: No.

Boy: Then why do you put on a bra when you haven’t any boobs?

 

Boy asks his new scorching step mom: “What do you feed your child?”

Step mom: “Milk and orange juice.”

Boy: “Which facet is orange juice?”

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Blowjob Jokes

Q: What is the distinction between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your spouse will all the time blow your bonus!

 

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

A: Maintain on to your nuts, that is no unusual blowjob!

 

Q: Why did God give males penises?

A: So that they’d have at the very least one option to shut a girl up.

 

Q: Why is being within the army like a blow-job?

A: The nearer you get to discharge, the higher you’re feeling.

 

Q: What do you name a man who cries whereas he masturbates?

A: A tearjerker.

 

Q: How are you going to inform which is the pinnacle nurse?

A: She’s the one with the soiled knees.

 

Q: Which of the next phrases doesn’t belong: meat, eggs, spouse, blowjob.

A: Blowjob. You may beat your meat, eggs, and spouse; however you possibly can’t beat a blowjob.

 

Q: Why did the lady smile when she walked down the wedding aisle?

A: She realized she gave her final blowjob.

 

Q: How do you cease a canine from humping your leg?

A: Choose him up and suck on his cock!

 

Q: What’s the perfect factor a couple of blow job?

A: The ten minutes of silence!

 

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister within the jaw.

 

Q: What does tightrope strolling and getting a blowjob out of your grandmother have in frequent?

A: You do not look down

 

Q: What do you name ball’s in your chin?

A: A dick in your mouth!

 

Q: Why do males pay extra for automotive insurance coverage?

A: Ladies do not get blowjobs whereas they’re driving.

 

Q: What is the distinction between pink and purple?

A: The grip!

 

Q: Did you hear concerning the blonde who broke her nostril on a steering wheel?

A: She was attempting to blow the horn.

 

Q: What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

A: You simply KNOW she’ll swallow!

 

Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after intercourse?

A: She wished to have her cock and eat it too.

 

Q: What’s the metric equal of 69?

A: 1 ate 1.

 

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

 

Q: What’s the distinction between oral and anal intercourse?

A: Oral intercourse makes your day and Anal intercourse makes your entire weak.

 

Q: What is the distinction between love, real love, and displaying off?

A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,

 

Q: What’s higher than a rose in your piano?

A: Tulips in your organ.

 

Q: Why would not Tom Cruise eat bananas?

A: He cannot discover the zipper!

 

Q: Whats comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

 

Q: What is the definition of a Yankee?

A: Similar factor as a “quickie,”solely you do it your self.

 

Q: What’s sicker than having intercourse with a pregnant girl?

A: Having intercourse with a pregnant girl and getting a bj by the child.

 

Q: What’s the sq. root of 69?

A: Ate one thing!

 

Q: What do you name a Christmas blowjob?

A: Egg noggin.

 

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: As a result of that is what they prepare for all their lives.

 

Q: How are you aware in case your boyfriend has a excessive sperm rely?

A: You need to chew earlier than you swallow!

 

Q: Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

A: You do not know? soooo…you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

 

Q: How are you going to inform once you’ve had a very good blowjob?

A: You need to pull the sheets out of your ass.

 

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

A: As a result of she gave blow-jobs actually.

 

Q: One man is on a decent rope and the opposite is getting a blow job in a retirement dwelling what are they considering?

A: Dont look down

 

Q: Why is intercourse like a sport of bridge?

A: When you have an excellent hand, you do not want a companion.

 

Q: Why is 68 the utmost pace for intercourse?

A: As a result of at 69 they blow a rod!

 

Q: What is the hardest a part of a vegetable to eat?

A: The wheel chair.

 

Q: What is the definition of belief?

A: Two cannibals giving one another a blowjob.

 

Q: What is the distinction between pink and purple?

A: The grip! Q: What does 69 equal? A: A few mouths full.

 

There is no enterprise like Present Enterprise.

There is no job like a blow job.


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Bikini Jokes

What did the bikini top say to the hat? You go on a head while I give these two a lift!

What did the boob say to the bikini? You’re my breast friend.

Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells? Her boobs were too big for B shells.

How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

What is the origin of the word “Boob”? The “B” is the aerial view, the “oo” is the front view, the “b” is the side view.

When does a waitress wear a bikini? In a breasteraunt.

Why was two piece swimsuit invented? To separate the hairy from the dairy.

Why did God invent the bikini? So men would talk to them!

This morning, I slipped on a bikini, I guess I fell into a BOOBY TRAP!

If you didn’t want me to stare at your booty, you shouldn’t have worn a thong.

A blonde was walking down the street.

A policeman was walking the opposite way. “Hmmm,” he wondered, “It looks as if that lady’s right breast is hanging out of her bikini top.”

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Alien Wife Swap Joke

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. 

 

“Just how do you guys do it?” asked the Earthling.

“Pretty much the way you do,” responded the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.

“What can you do with THAT!?” exclaims the woman.

“Why?” he asked, “What’s the matter?”

“Well,” she replied, “it’s nowhere near long enough. It’ll never reach!”

“No problem,” he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long.

“Well,” she said. “That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow.”

“No problem,” he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.

“Wow!” she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together.

As they walked along the Earthling male said, “Well, was it any good?”

“I hate to say it,” she said,

“but it was really wonderful. How about you?”

“Well,” he said,

“It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night.”

 

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Best Hunger Games Jokes

Whenever I hear a good song I say “Where’s Peeta cause this is my jam.”

 

To Panemaniacs, Stop with all the bread jokes. I don’t love bread, I loaf it

 

What does RIP stand for in district 11? Rue Is Perfect.

 

Why is Effie Trinkets hair so big? Its full of secrets.

 

What does the Capitol sing during the holidays? Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow.

 

If Peeta were a ginger, would he be called the gingerbread man?

 

“Life is like a loaf of bread, Peeta, you never know which district it’ll be from.” Mama Mellark

 

After Katniss found me almost dead Things got toasty

 

Did you hear about the Adele song about Katniss Everdeen? SHE SETS FIRE TO THE GAMES!

 

When life hands you lemons, trade them for BREAD Peeta Mellark

 

Katniss: Where’s Finnick? Peeta: Odair he is!

 

“I’m not bready to have sex with you, Peeta!” Katniss Everdeen

 

Peetas bread rising for you 🙂 Katniss you lucky bitch

 

Katniss: Enough with the bread jokes Peeta, we knead to be serious here. Katniss: I’m pregnant Peeta: You got a bun in the oven?

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