Free Dirty Short Jokes

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.


Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A: By becoming a ventriloquist!


Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?

A: He got tired


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.


Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.


Q: What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?

A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns


Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.


Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A: Because their plugged into a genius!


Q: What’s the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste.


Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.


Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up. If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.


Q: What kind of bees produce milk?

A: Boobies


Q; What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off


Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!


Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.


Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.


Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?

A: Trust me.


Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done…


Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He got the gas bill.


Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!


Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

A: About three inches.


Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?

A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.


Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly?

A: So they don’t poke her eye out.


Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?

A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.


Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives

A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.


Q: What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes?

A: I cry when I cut up onions…


Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

A: A trip without the kids!


Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises?

A: They already fell for that trick once.


Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.


Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,


Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t masturbate?

A: A liar.


Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?

A: You can drop them off anywhere.


Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: “I’ll see you next month.”


Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?

A: If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!

Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?


A: Twinkie.

Q: What did one tampon say to the other?

A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.


Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!


Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?

A: Line dancing at a nusing home.


Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12


Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?

A: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.


Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

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