Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?
A: He got tired
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
Q: What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!
Q: What’s the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste.
Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up. If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
Q; What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off
Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.
Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done…
Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A: He got the gas bill.
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!
Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?
A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly?
A: So they don’t poke her eye out.
Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.
Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives
A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.
Q: What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes?
A: I cry when I cut up onions…
Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!
Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises?
A: They already fell for that trick once.
Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
Q: What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,
Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t masturbate?
A: A liar.
Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
A: You can drop them off anywhere.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: “I’ll see you next month.”
Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A: If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!
Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?
Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nusing home.
Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
A: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!